article by site founder, Connie Rice
Have you ever thought about how our expectations affect our attitudes and even our actions? This concept is very close to me. As I grew in my relationship with Jesus as an adult through sermons, worship music, prayer, Bible studies, and reading the Bible, I was able to see that the expectations of people in my life as well as my own expectations had resulted in disappointment and even misery at times. Our expectations can be unrealistic or based on faulty perceptions, so being reflective in this area is a worthy endeavor. I found that it was only through adjusting my way of thinking to what God says in His Word that I was able to develop reasonable expectations – of my family members, of other relationships, of myself, of God, and in all aspects of this life.
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Romans 12:1-2
Renewing our mind is a continual process and requires us to partner with the Lord in His transformational work in us. This transformational work can be painful and it is always humbling. However, becoming more like Jesus and living in obedience to Him is worth it because it brings us supernatural peace and strength, as well as an understanding of who we are in His eyes which helps us to be secure in our identity. We know we are His beloved and that the pain we all endure in this life is never wasted. Not only does He let us know that we are accepted and loved by Him through what He has already done for us with the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, but He also gives us His power to obey His commands – leading to a clear conscience, His blessings, and hope for eternity. God calls us to meaningful Kingdom work and service to others , which fills us with both joy and a sense of purpose. Our relationship with Him becomes stronger as we lean in to Him through life’s difficulties.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.”
1 Peter 1:3-9
If we’re living according to unreasonable or false expectations, our focus will tend to be on ourselves and keeps us in a self-centered mindset. This can harm relationships of those close to us and can drag us into unnecessary conflict. If we are unhappy, we tend to see the other person or even God as the cause of our lack of happiness. Unfortunately, many marriages have broken up because of unrealistic or false expectations held by one or both parties. Our culture perpetuates this focus on ourselves while God’s Word tells us just the opposite – to love God with all of our heart, mind, strength, and soul and to love our neighbor as ourselves. I had always assumed that the command to love our neighbor was a brotherly love, but it actually translates to unconditional love – a sacrificial love that puts the true good of that person above our own. This is a very high calling and does not come naturally to any of us. Our natural tendency is to want what we want when we want and do what we want. We want to be in control. The Bible teaches that we are to die to ourselves – God knows that as long as we are self-focused, we will miss out on much of the blessings He has for us in this life and that we are harmed in the process. Jesus was counter-cultural in His time and in present culture, His teachings are still counter-cultural. I remember someone in my life whose favorite books were “You Pack Your Own Chute” and “Looking Out for Number One”. That mindset was reflected in his narcissistic attitudes and treatment of others.
“But to those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness—indignation and wrath, tribulation and anguish, on every soul of man who does evil, of the Jew first and also of the Greek; but glory, honor, and peace to everyone who works what is good, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For there is no partiality with God.”
Romans 8:8-10
I have personally experienced how insidious pride can be and how easy it is to deceive ourselves in this area. This is an important topic in Scripture. The Got Questions article, “What does the Bible say about pride?“, gives examples and context. One of the methods used by Satan with is with the meaning of words – we see it all the time now. Take a word that people think of as a positive trait and then redefine it to promote something that goes against God. In the instance of pride, add another use of the word to what God clearly defines as sin to keep people from being as concerned about the actual sin itself. A parent telling a child that he or she is proud of him or her is accepted as being a very positive thing. That is not the same as the sin of pride and should have a different word altogether, but using the same word for both things succeeds in confusing people about the seriousness of the sin of pride. The spiritual war we are in is real and the battle is raging. Satan knows his time is short and wants to keep as many people as possible trapped by sin so they either have no motivation to seek God or if they do recognize Jesus as their personal Savior, cause them to not recognize or to rationalize their sin. Since Jesus is both Savior and Lord, this deception can keep people from being obedient to His commands.
“For the wicked boasts of his heart’s desire; He blesses the greedy and renounces the Lord. The wicked in his proud countenance does not seek God; God is in none of his thoughts.”
Psalm 10:3-4
The enemy has a lot of other tools as well, but causing us to focus on ourselves can be one of his most effective ones. Jesus teaches just the opposite and people who obey Him have learned by experience that His way brings harmony instead of conflict, inner peace instead of depression and despair, joy even when circumstances are difficult, and a sense of community and purpose in this life. Even some of His followers may still tend to suffer from depression, so we need to take every thought captive, stay in God’s Word, pursue community within the body, and consciously choose to keep a short lifeline to the Lord. I find it helpful to visualize an actual line connecting myself to Jesus, and keeping it as short of a distance as possible. A dear friend lost her father as a teen and found comfort by visualizing herself sitting in Jesus’ lap. God is near to those who seek Him and we can trust His Word to help us have reasonable expectations.
“In everything, we should look to God and trust Him (Proverbs 3:5–6). His promises are absolutely sound, and our expectation that He will fulfill His Word is called faith. We can expect God to do exactly what He says He will do (2 Corinthians 1:20; Joshua 21:45; Psalm 77:8; 2 Peter 1:4). When based on God’s Word, our expectations will never fail to be met. ‘The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy’ (Psalm 19:7).”
quote from “Got Questions” article, “What does the Bible say about expectations?”
© Constance Rice 2024
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